but what if one direction’s next album ended up all alternative/ indie rock
i would officially be a slave to one direction
Zayn´s girlfriend. He has a girlfriend. I´m aware of telling him to move on but when he came here he seemed to be the same as before. I bet there were articles in every of the gossip magazines I love to avoid. I bet he moved on almost immediately.
I feel my knees getting week and my eyes start to feel heavy and wet. And Harry´s worried expression makes it all even harder, he seems to regret everything but no words come out of his mouth, he is speechless and so I am. All this time I´ve waited patiently to finally be able to go back to London and have the life I had with Zayn, all this time I was aware that he could have moved on but I had hoped inside of me that he didn´t. When I saw him I thought I was right, I though he hadn´t moved on, I thought he had waited for me but they were all thoughts. And now I feel worthless again, like when I was told my parents were dead, like when I was told I had to move on to London with Maya and like when I was told I had to come back to New York and leave Zayn. Worthless, absolutely worthless.
Oh, Harry. Harry is not stupid he notices I´m feeling sick and he is worried but he can´t say anything else, I know he´s scared to screw things up more.
“Why is it your fault Harry? What did you do?” I say as calm as possible and in a very low tone.
“I-I told him that if you moved on the he had to do the same thing and then Louis told him to wait for you and then I guess he listened to me but I was wrong, because when I saw you two in the club I thought of what a perfect couple you two are and how happy you make each other and when I saw you a couple of minutes ago so happy I found out it was him making you happy. I´m sorry Auty, I´m so sorry I screw things up between you two I should have said nothing…. I´m sorry” Harry says begging and I feel bad to be the one putting him in this position. I don´t blame him, it´s not like he put a gun on Zayn´s head and forced him to have a girlfriend. I don´t blame Harry but I´m mad. I feel anger towards Zayn. He should have told me.
I forget I´m with Harry and I suddenly whisper “He said he loved me”. A tear escapes from my eyes and I feel a deep pain inside of me. Everything seems to fall into pieces.
“I´m so sorry Autumn, I am.”
“Don´t you worry. I have to go now, have a lovely day,” I say giving him a kiss on the cheek. He stops me and hugs me and that make me feel a little better but the pain inside of me is still killing me.
I start walking away, leaving Harry behind, forgetting and remembering constantly where is my destination, feeling vulnerable. I really wasn´t expecting that.
Perri. Perri. Isn´t that a singer? I´ve heard her name, I sure as hell have. I walk a couple of blocks. I notice some people starring and that´s quite weird because in the middle of crowds as the ones that walk by the streets of New York I normally am irrelevant. I get to a coffee shop, forgetting again where I was actually going. I buy a coffee and sit down a couple of minutes and what I had been avoiding all this time calls my attention. A news paper with the most recent facts, not only about the country but also about the teen idols of the moment. I look at it and find Zayn´s face, my face and a blonde girl´s face there together. I find myself reading a black font that says “Malik is cheating on Perri with ex girlfriend?”
I grab the news paper and walk out of the shop. A young lady follows me telling me that I haven´t paid for it but I just give her some money and leave. Everything that happens around me seems irrelevant as I look through the pages looking for the one where the article was published. There it is. A photo of us in the club and another one of me this morning as I left his hotel with the same clothes as the night before. What they don´t know it´s that we were in fucking jail.
When I read the article I remember about Perri. Of course, from Little Mix, another band from the X-Factor.
I feel bad and stupid and fool. He totally made fun of me and now I just want to see that interview he´s gonna have to do explaining how I´m nothing more than a friend. I feel guilty as well. That girl must hate me in the moment she reads the news paper or in the moment the news get to her.
Irrelevant, everything is irrelevant, everything but my feeling that are killing me.
I don´t even notice when I get where the photoshoot is taking place. I don´t even notice when I get ready and neither when they are taking the pictures. I just feel so angry.
Telling Auty was probably the best thing in the moment but as I get to the hotel where the lads are I start feeling like that wasn´t exactly the best idea and that I was a bad friend.
I get to my room, take a shower and change. Paul come to the room and tells me to go eat because we have rehearsals at two o’clock. I get to the hotel´s restaurant and find the boys there. They all talk but I just feel like shit and talking is not the best option.
Of course Louis, that´s seated beside me, notices. He leans and whispers “What´s up with you mate?” I hesitate a little and don´t know if I should tell him but his my best friend and I actually need someone to talk to about the mess I made.
“I´ll tell you later, I think I messed up big time,” I whisper and take a bite of my food. He just nods.
The time there passes by so slowly and I just can´t wait to get out of there and stop watching Zayn´s face, which makes me feel even more guilty.
I leave the table telling the lads that I have a stomach ache and Louis follows. We get to my room and he immediately asks. I tell him what happened and his face fills with preoccupations as I go on with the story. I know what I did was wrong.
“Man, you shouldn´t have done that. You should have at least made him say it to her,” he says as I finish.
“He would have refused. This is my fault, I told him to get over here but they still love each other. The fucking do. Haven´t you seen then when they are together…”
“I have but now you´re gonna screw everything with Zayn just for doing the right thing,” Louis says and I feel the door opening. My heart stops as I see him and Liam entering the room. Their look perplexed by what they just heard. I feel worse, so much worse.
“What´d you do, Harry?” Zayn asks as he takes a step inside my room.